The Rants of a Twenty Something

Thinking about the could have’s and would have’s, imagining how your life would turn out to be if you would have made different choices and painting an imaginary picture in your head of the perfect happy life, we’ve all done this at some point or the other as we stride through our 20s! To say the least, I have thought about all these and more and it’s not even like a once-in-a-blue-moon kinda thing, it is more of a my-favorite-hobby kind of stuff. Guilty as charged. And I thought it is just me, but turns out most of us go through this, irrespective of the age bracket we fall in. For most of us who have just started out, I’d like to welcome you to the approaching-mid-twenties crisis club! (or maybe twisted twenties? Doesn’t matter, bleh. And yes, don’t worry you don’t need a formal swearing in ceremony or an invite to the exclusive club, open for all, I say)

As we begin the most exciting phases of our life, the part we’ve always looked forward to since we were tiny weeny kids, where we ought to be all charged up, enthusiastic and clear headed about all the possibilities that lie ahead of us. The irony is, we are the exact opposite, to be precise we are clueless as hell, nervous wrecks, waiting for someone to give us some sense of direction that too like literally hold our hands and point it out to us and say, “here child, this is the path you can take and this is how you go about”. And I know at this point many will disagree with me by saying “No we want to live life on our own terms and we wouldn’t want someone to dictate anything to us”. Well true that, but what do you do when you lose sight of that terms and conditions you made up for yourself? Think think.

You constantly struggle with each passing day, what with people weighing you down with plenty of decisions to make and countless hearts to keep happy. And trust me, taking decisions can get you down so badly that a petty thing like, say for instance deciding on a PG to stay, can get you worried and depressed beyond repair (experience speaks), where you’ll constantly question yourself whether it was the right choice you made. Expectations weigh you down and what adds more to all this drama is that you’re expected to be correct every time! That is too much to ask for, trust me I still get troubled while deciding on which flavor ice-cream should I get or what to have for lunch, while constantly thinking in my head “is that the right flavor for me?”. Don’t ask me to take life changing decisions, please? Too much stress I tell you.

And the constant need to be politically correct, everywhere. Leave alone the things you say, but also the expressions on your face also matters. I mean I hate the fact that my tongue and my expressions never matches, nope, I cannot control this one. Sighs. And most of us end up with a foot-in-the-mouth situation at the wrong time and at the wrong place with the wrong people. So much for freedom of speech?

On the other hand, friends and the special one’s in your life are supposed to make you feel happy. But no, how can you be happy and content with your life, especially when you’re in your twisted twenties? But when you’re doomed, everything and everyone decides to be after your life. Making sure that you don’t get on anyone’s nerves coupled with conversations that you must tread carefully or you might just get beaten up with heavy doses of emotional blackmail, is like walking inside a tunnel and hoping for a ray of light but instead the tunnel gets darker and darker as you keep trudging along. The thing is you’re no longer a kid, so you cannot just act like one, but it is perfectly fine when people around you behave like an infant who’s on a crying spree. But then did we get a warning that you’re supposed to be a patient and thoughtful grown up? Maybe that would’ve helped a teeny-weeny bit. Maybe. Maybe not.

Being in your twenties is fun, I must say (I feel better) but at the same time it is like you’re juggling several things and you’re failing miserably. In an attempt to save something, we are losing out on everything else. It’s like a race; a race to keep everyone happy, a race to prove that you’re totally worth it, and a race that has no finish line. The only difference is that you’re in a race with yourself, your own inhibitions and insecurities, your own shortcomings and issues. Sighs. If the twenties are so twisted, I just cannot imagine how the thirties will turn out to be, scared much? Hell yeah! But till then keep smiling and take in one day at a time. ?