Good Enough? Maybe, Maybe not.

I often find myself lost in thoughts, daydreaming or just wandering away from the things I’m supposed to do. Dreaming about a place, an ideal scenario, a life; where I would’ve made different, maybe somewhat sensible and correct choices. Instead of rushing through, acting on impulse almost always, I should’ve thought things through, weighed the pros and cons of everything and then locked my decision. But me being me (highly impulsive and terribly indecisive), always always act on a whim without even giving the consequences even a cursory thought.

Most of the times, I end up wondering about what could’ve been, had I made a different choice. It’s only human to wonder, think and assure yourself that maybe the door you did not choose, the one you abandoned for the other; maybe, just maybe, had everything you ever wished for. That’s when you think you made an incorrect choice, doubt yourself and often wonder – Is this good enough? Maybe, Maybe not.

This happens almost always with me and I feel it is safe to say that I know there are many more mortals like me out there in the big, dark, crazy world who doubt, wonder and second guess everything in life. I plead guilty. Maybe because we are tuned in ways where we doubt ourselves, by default. 

After having made the choice, I always wonder if it was the right thing for me and those around me. The immediate thoughts that run in my mind are: Am I good enough for him/her? Am I good enough at work? Am I good enough for my family? Am I? Maybe. Maybe not. Most of the times, in this maybe/maybe not game I play with my mind, the answer almost always ends up being – Maybe not.

The never ending could’ve, should’ve and what if scenarios playing incessantly in my head, triggering the one question we all keep battling throughout our lives – Am I good enough? Answer to which almost always remains – maybe not.

Having ranted all of the above, I don’t regret being impulsive or taking uncalculated risks because let’s be honest it is exactly what has brought me where I am today- maybe my mistakes or choices have made me take the longer route, different route, maybe. But I’m content. At least that’s what I think.

Good enough? Well, maybe.

In Omnia Paratus

I heard this Latin phrase for the first time while I was binge watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix. And oh boy! I fell in love with not only the characters namely Rory Gilmore and Logan Huntzberger, but also with the phrase – In Omnia Paratus. For those of you who haven’t watched the series or don’t know what this phrase means, let me give you some context.

So, the quintessential girl-next-door character Rory in the series Gilmore girls is on a quest to find details about an elite club – The life and death brigade – for the university daily. She attends and partakes in the events of this elite club or society whose motto is ‘In Omnia Paratus’ which means ready for anything. This phrase has been stuck in my head for all the right reasons. Firstly, because I fell in love with Logan for being the guy I have always dreamt about. Second and most importantly, the Latin phrase is so powerful, motivating you to be ready for whatever comes your way.

For someone like me who is scared about everything, right from selecting a new ice cream flavour to try a new sport because what if I don’t like the flavor I choose to experiment with or what if I fall, hurt myself and get scarred? This is applicable in every other aspect of my life, be it personal or professional. I second guess myself a lot and mostly end up playing the role of devil’s advocate, 9 out of 10 times in a day. I’ve never liked taking chances in my life, always looked forward to certainty with regards to everything, right from the people in my life to my career - I like and prefer being certain about everything.

But hey, you cannot always control things. And if there’s something that I’ve learnt from everything I’ve been through, then it’s this – you have to take a chance no matter what, never know who or what might surprise you and sweep you off your feet. And this is when this Latin phrase struck all the right chords with me. I’m not saying that I’m not scared anymore about taking chances, facing uncertainty; but I sure have found strength in me to jump into the unknown, all the while hoping it turns out to be good.

Life isn’t perfect, right? When you’re sad, you look forward to being happy and when you’re finally happy, you worry about how things could possibly go wrong. It’s a vicious cycle that will never stop but I guess, you’ve to live with it and be ready for anything and everything that might come your away. The best and only fool proof plan that you can have is to take everything in your stride, face your difficulties and struggles head on, and emerge a winner. Don’t let anyone or anything pull you down and make you doubt your worth or mettle. Not even your own insecurities, self-doubt or self-pity. 

Every morning, when you wake up say this to yourself and I bet you’ll have a spring in your step and a smile on your face. To all the girlies – It’ll help keep the wrinkles at bay. *Wink* *Wink* 

Worth a try, right? Keep smiling.

A New Beginning!

I've often seen people protect their hearts fiercely. Even if that means that they get labelled as heartless, stone hearted and cold. Probably because they've been hurt badly or maybe they've seen someone close go through hell. And more often than not, people get scared more because they've seen someone go through hell and suffer the pain. And maybe that is why we shield our hearts and wrap it with a 'Handle With Care'  tag.

When we suffer a heartbreak, it could be anything from someone breaking our trust,  leaving us in the middle of nowhere, or maybe just walking out for no reason. I've realized that it is not the heartbreak that causes the pain. It is the feeling of change and the fear of it that hurts and makes a person sad. It isn't the agony caused by a fight that haunts us, it is the darkness that the memories of the past brings into our present.

Most of us, see people go through hell, suffer silently and accept the pain. And this is the reason why most of us just generalize and jump to conclusions. We think that we're better off alone. We believe that building a wall around our heart will save us the trouble.We choose to not get close to anyone, often questioning the most genuine souls too. Because maybe somewhere deep down in our heart we believe that we might just fall for the wrong person.

We are tuned in such a way that we give way more than we receive. And most of the time, I've seen that people shower the wrong people with care, love, attention and time. And mind you, if someone gives you their attention, cares for you, loves you and gives you their time, it isn't because they have nothing else to do, it is because they have thousand other things to look after but still chooses you. But after a point, we just tend to give up. We give up on people, give up our hopes and mostly give up on life.

We live in our own world, where we choose to not understand things around us, living through the confusion, not believing that anything can happen if you give life another chance. And time and again, people move on and give life a second chance. A second chance to start afresh, to believe in magic and dream of dreams that could be true. And as they say ' Dil toh bacha hai ji!' Have faith and believe in the start of something new.

Second thoughts

         Broken Friendships. Failed Relationships. Forgotten Dreams. Empty Promises. We believed them to be forever. But then does forever end the way we die? or is it the beginning?

         It is beyond my understanding that why do we meet new people in every phase of our life. Because everyone comes for a specific purpose and time. Some disappear in a blink of an eye. While, some stay no matter what the season. In life, we have the good apples and the bad ones. Few in our lives are the good apple, while others are the bad apples. The bad apples teach us some life-changing lessons; maybe we need it, maybe we don't. I mean why can't everyone just be a good apple? If i had my way, I'd make sure nobody had any bad experiences. Every person adds meaning to our life, leads us towards the direction we ought to go. But then why do we break friendships and why do we fail in relationships?

        We dream of achieving so much in a short span. Mostly, we dream about fame and money. But we also dream of never-ending love and being with those we love and care about.  But our dream for momentary pleasure overpowers our dream of love. We choose one over the other. Our worldly 'needs' outweigh our hearts 'desire'. In our conquest of achieving fame we forget the power of love. And someday we will pursue these forgotten dreams.

        We, humans, do two things very often and without giving a second thought. Just because it is cool and easy. First, swear. And second, Promise. There's no cure or prevention for the either of them. We promise too much and much too often. We seldom realize the value of promises being made. I believe if you promise something to a dear one, come what may, keep your word. Not for your own pride. Not for the devil named 'ego'. But out of respect to your relation with that person and the bond you share. And trust me, your heart will always be happy. Just imagine a world with fulfilled promises. <3

        We fight with the one's we love. And we fight for them with others. We fight with them for their love and care. Because only your heart knows that no matter how much you fight with them, they'll always love you. And they will always and forever be the precious people of your life. These 'precious people' may come in your life for a temporary period or maybe forever. Secret to be happy is to cherish them while you have them with you, Create memories - bitter and sweet, love unconditionally. And you'll never worry about happily ever after or a forever. because you already had a lovely beginning and a memorable middle. :D

       So next time maybe, you're in doubt about a friendship or a relationship, or maybe you're thinking of giving up on your dream and those promises, Stop and think why you came so far? Is what you 'have' worth giving up for what 'may be' ? Give your doubt a second thought, and i'm sure you wont just give up. Keep smiling! Stay happy! :D 

Happy Endings!

           Exams finally get over and i return to the love of my life - the TV! ( yes you read it right ) So i happened to come across 'The Santa Clause' Series being aired on one of the movie channels. Trust me, the little kid in me didn't want to go to sleep, though i was tired and sleepy as hell. The movie made me reflect on these little things of life - our little actions, behaviour, thoughts, etc. 

            The movie more or less advocates about keeping the kid in you, alive. When we grow up, we see things from a different perspective - one filled with logic and facts. There is no place for delusional things like magic and hope. But if you observe a child, he has this magic in his eyes, spring in his step and innocence in his actions. He believes in his parents and people who shower him with love and care. He demands nothing but love and affection. And that too, in abundance. He wont doubt you for a moment and will have complete faith in you. He embraces you with all your strengths and weaknesses. Loves you unconditionally and will only demand love in return. He will consider you his 'own'. He'll bring a smile to your face and brighten up your day. He believes in fairytale. And that wishing on a star makes your wish come true. That Li'l bundle of joy, however naughty, will teach you lessons of life despite having no wrinkles on his face and grey in his hair.

            If you come to think of it, a child is smart and wise than us - grown ups. We grow up and we grow apart from each other. We grow apart from those we love, things we believe, etc. People we loved turn into people we loved once upon a time. And things we believed in become delusional and nonsense for us. We trade the magic in our eyes for 'worldly pleasures', the spring in our step is burdened with responsibilities disguised as 'chores' and innocence is replaced by 'Practical thinking'. We fail to trust those we love and we love those who don't trust us. We seek everything, but love. We doubt intentions of every person who is good to us. We embrace people who have their pockets filled with money and who have a status worth showing off. We are more interested in searching 'arm candies' rather than establishing some soulful connections.We are in love with the idea of being in love. And we feel let down when the love we receive isn't in tandem with our idea of love. For us love is nothing but "mein tumhare liye chand-sitaarein tod launga" (I'll bring the moon and stars for you). We compel ourselves to believe that fairytales are a myth, that there is no such thing as a 'happy ending', we seldom believe in 'Happily-ever-after". No amount of wrinkle on our face and grey in our hair will be able to make us realize the value of people around us.

            So, why think so much? why don't we just have faith and put our trust in god and hope for the best? why do we give up so easily? why do we believe that happy endings are just fairytale stuff? Maybe its time to wake that li'll kid in us! and it's time to enjoy your lives, believe in the power of love and have faith in HIS plan. And maybe its not about the happy ending, its about the story! 

Message in a Bottle

       I was reading this book "Message in a bottle" by Nicholas Sparks. And most of you will agree to have fallen in love with almost all of his books, especially "A Walk to remember"! It is the epitome of love, it teaches you how to love, and what exactly it feels to have loved deeply and lost! It is about the crazy love, more about love-at-first-sight and things that make your heartbeats race and makes you go 'awww', while managing to make you cry, you feel the pain and hurt of those fictional characters as if it were happening to someone you knew or worst case scenario, it was happening to you itself ( god forbid )

       The story is all lovey-dovey and heart warming throughout, up until the climax. It made me realize what a great role 'Destiny' plays, how amazingly talented it is in its work! Two people, complete strangers, who are totally oblivious to each others existence, their lives get entwined in a fairy-tale way. They both have loved someone deeply in the past, losing their partners to fate. But destiny brings them together and how! And making everything perfect, the same destiny that brought them together, separates them! But before that happens, it gives them a reason to fall in love all over again, to fall in love with someone, to fall in love with life, in general. It helps them create memories together, that would be etched in their memories forever. Their world changes overnight, the gloomy, mundane days are now filled with love and warmth, hope and re-affirmed willingness to fall in love. Take a bow Mr. Destiny! First, bring two people together, make them fall in love with each other, more importantly they fall in love with 'love' itself. And then Mr. Destiny shakes it up a little, turning everything upside down. The wise men said, "If it was meant to be, it will always be". All of this, just re-affirms our faith in love, making it deeper and stronger.

       I don't know what is to have loved and lost and i really don't know what it is to fall in love either. but by what I've seen, heard and read about love, it's a beautiful feeling. But i know that most of us claim to be in love, but that makes me wonder. Can you really love someone selflessly, without any expectations in return? I guess all of us are in love with the idea of being in love. And there's where we lose the real essence of it! The book made me sit and wonder about many things of life, in general. One things for sure, in this game of life, Mr. Destiny is one big game changer and a very powerful and experienced one at that, too.

       When you are in love with someone and you know its for real, but then destiny separates you forever, where there's no hope or even the slightest chance of reunion with your loved one, there's no slight possibility of being with that person again, hugging them, telling them how much you love and care for them, why are they brought into your life in the first place? Ofcourse having them in your life, though for a brief moment is worth it but if death could separate you so soon and so easily, why would fate come up with a story like this for just anyone?

       One  question that the book answered, made me realize that that "happily ever after" can be for a short time, 'perfect' need not always be 'forever'. But then does forever end the day we die? or is it then the beginning?
Still a mystery ...! Stay happy... !  Keep Smiling ..!

P.s: This article is inspired by the same book, just random thoughts that lingered on my mind as an after-effect. ;)
P.p.s: To all those who haven't read it, do read it.
You surely don't want to miss out on something that takes your breath away! :D